Family Life Series Taking care of our Elderly
- Jul 6
- 7 min read
Aging is a process of change. Aging people undergo physical, mental and social changes. These changes also lead to psychological changes.
Younger persons must be sensitive and considerate to the needs of the elders. Lifestyle, family, friends and personal perspective affect the elder’s ability to adjust to being elderly. Many elderly persons are proud or afraid of losing their independence. Two emotional disorders prevalent among the elderly are anxiety and depression. These disorders may cause them to seem unreasonable and refuse help or become withdrawn. Please try to understand them.
When helping the elderly do not treat them in a patronising manner; do not let them feel as if they have become burden or unnecessary packages. Instead, be as helpful and encouraging as possible; cultivate and maintain within the elderly a sense of adequacy, self-esteem and positivity. Converse with them even when they erect barriers. Do their business honestly; do not add stress by stealing from them. Do not shout at them, call them names, give them sloppy or inadequate meals and do not let them hear you expressing your desire for them to move on into the next life. Do not in any way seek to hasten their exit.
It is sad that while many are rubbing their hands in glee and anxiously awaiting the time when they can obtain the wealth of their aging family, they have no intention of taking care of them. They will quickly package them off to any nursing home and seldom visit them. The worse alternative is leaving them on their own and not visiting or properly monitor them. Many of us fail to understand that one day we shall also become old.
There is a story of a child who could not be bothered with taking care of the aging parent so the parent was packed off to a nursing home. The parent did not want to go but the child was determined. While walking up the path to the nursing home the tired and distraught parent rested on a rock. Many years later, the child is now an aging parent and his child could not be bothered with him. The child was taking him to a nursing home and it was the same one that his father had taken his parent. The elderly was tired and he sat on the very stone that his father had rested on. He began to cry and to tell his son how he had maltreated his father. The son was shocked and afraid. He took up his aging father and returned home with him. He did not want his child to treat him as his father had treated his grandfather and as he had intended to treat his father. He did not want the trend to continue. If this is a trend it is one bad trend that you must end because you are up today but tomorrow you will be a dependent.
Life is transient and the strength of our bodies fail as we age. Yes, there are different ways in which one may try to hold on to youthfulness but after a time the struggle is lost. Many persons often rush to the mirror to see what changes has been happening and they are saddened by the lines by wrinkles and grey hair. Individually and as a family we must accept the process of life. We ought to be grateful if we had become an elderly person before dying.
How will you be treated by others is a major concern as you get older. Sadly, many are happy to receive from you while you are mobile and agile but as you get slower many see you as an unnecessary burden. The most hurtful is when those closest to you, those whom you have sacrificed for, those who get the most from you, reject you when you need them.
Many elderly persons are broken, sick, dejected, lonely and sad. Sometimes their final condition is not a result of their previous actions and even if they had done wrong their family should not allow them to perish.
David was also concerned about growing old. He pleaded with God as stated in
Psalm 71:9 Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Often their relationship with God is the only peace and comfort the elderly has. While it is great to be comforted by God, the family is to be a support to each other.
Proverbs 16:31 - The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness. Whether or not the elderly person is godly he/she must be treated with respect.
Elderly persons often suffer abuse of varying sort. Even their children and grandchildren disrespect them. When elders are abused, the abuser is going against godly principles. God gave a command in Leviticus 19:32-Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head and honour the face of the old man and fear thy God. I am the LORD.
Why is it important to respect the elderly?
There is a great promise attached to treating our elderly well. However, they are not to be treated well only because we want to get a good reward from God. We need to treat them well because the love of Christ rests within us. Exodus 20:12 - Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
In addition, in Deuteronomy 5:16 told Israel while they were going through the wilderness on their way to the Promised Land - Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Many persons have unanswered prayers and broken dreams because they had lost the blessings of God. There are also those who seem to be prospering while maltreating the elders. Don’t be fooled; they are only achieving they are not prospering. No one can truly prosper unless that individual is living in accordance to the dictates of God.It is very important that the advice of the elderly be valued. We can agree that not all may exercise sound wisdom but they possess a reservoir of knowledge which can enhance our lives. Job 12:12 - With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding.An African proverbs says that what the aged person on the ground can see, the young in the highest tree cannot see it.
God’s love is constant; when humans fail to offer the proper love and attention God never fails. Isaiah 46:4 - And even to your old age I am He; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.
Elders are to set the right example for their offspring because their behaviour can lead to their children being a blessing or fountains of sorrow. Proverbs 17:6 - Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.
While many embrace their grey hairs many are scared or turned off and will do all within their power to camouflage their greying hairs. The Bible does not support the rejection of grey hairs because we are told in Proverbs 20:29 - The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the grey head.
Many children believe that they are more knowledgeable that their elders and will reject or ridicule them. They believe that the elders are prehistoric and cannot understand their era. They fail to realize that there is nothing new in this world. There are only improvements on what was already in place. A profound advice is given in Proverbs 23:22 - Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.
Many are ashamed of their aged family despite the sacrifices which they had made for them. They have forgotten that the aged family is the ladder on which they stood when they had attained their life goals.
As a social and spiritual body, the Church must take care of the elderly within their scope. While the Church family has a responsibility towards the elderly in the congregation the family has primary responsibility. The Bible offers guidance in 1 Timothy 5:4 - But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.Proverbs 20:20 - Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.
This should be enough to deter children from abusing their elders. You cannot truly enjoy a good life if you have made your elders miserable.
The Mosaic Laws stated in Leviticus 20:9 - For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.
What else can you do to make the elderly more comfortable?
Do not change their environment without giving due consideration to their needs. Special care must be taken to ensure the safety of the elderly. Think about the floormats, handrails, types of seats, grab bars in the bathroom, the height of toilets and such. Yes, when accommodating your elders there has to be not only adjustment to your schedules but environmental adjustments.
What about their health care, medication and personal hygiene. They need assistance as their faculties and agility lessen, treat them as you desire to be treated. Whether they had used their years well, whether or not the family had benefitted materially from them and other such concerns are irrelevant in the time of crisis. What is important is the fact that they need help and they must be treated in the manner that you would desire to be treated when your turn comes. Many may say whatever anyone wants to do them at that time will not bother them. I put it to you that such statement is false. Even the most sadistic murderer is not elated when the death sentence is passed. Life your life in a way that if that life is packaged and returned to you it can be collected gladly.
Writer - A. E. Fisher
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